The Blurtso Chronicles "Blurtso goes in search of Mr. Ed"
"A horse is a horse, of course of course, and this one will talk ‘til his voice is hoarse. You’ve never heard of a talking horse? Well, listen to Mr. Ed.”
I sure would like to meet Mr. Ed, thought Blurtso. Maybe I should take a trip to
“Third boxcar,
“Blurtso arrives in
Wow! thought Blurtso.
Hello, said a policeman. Hello, said Blurtso. May I ask what you’re doing? I’m napping on the grass, said Blurtso. It’s against the law to nap on the grass. Really? said Blurtso. Really, said the officer. O.k., said Blurtso, I’ll find another place. And off he went, up and down the street, clippety cloppeting, cloppety clippeting, forth and back and back and forth, looking for a new place to nap. Eventually he returned to where he started. Hmmm, he thought, watching the cars arrive, park, and drive away… I know! he thought. I’ll nap in the street! And when the next parking space opened, Blurtso grabbed it. Ahhhh, he thought, resting his street-heavy hoofs.
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Hello, said the policeman. Hello, said Blurtso. May I ask what you’re doing? I’m napping in my parking space, said Blurtso. Your parking space? said the officer. Yes, said Blurtso. But you haven’t put any money in the meter. Money? said Blurtso. Yes, said the officer, $2.00 per hour per vehicle. Am I a vehicle? said Blurtso. No, said the officer, I suppose not. So I can stay? said Blurtso. Well, said the officer, yes, I suppose so. Thank you, said Blurtso. You're welcome, said the officer. And so it was, after four days crossing the country and another day in the hills of
“Blurtso arrives in
Ahhhh, thought Blurtso, drinking the water the sprinklers had left in the gutter. What a lovely morning! Let’s see… what shall I have for breakfast? The grass looks tasty. Mmmm, juicy and fresh, and a little bit spicey! Hello officer, said Blurtso when his friend walked by. Hello Blurtso, said the policeman. Have a nice day! said Blurtso. You too! said the officer. And as the day passed, Blurtso became more and more enamored of his space, chatting with the people, watching the cars, and enjoying the grass beneath his nose. This place has everything! thought Blurtso, settling down for the night. Fresh water, green grass, friendly people… and warm pavement to sleep on. No wonder people love
“Blurtso considers growing a garden”
I wonder if I should search for Mr. Ed? thought Blurtso. But where would I look? Sooner or later he’s bound to come by here. Maybe I should plant a garden? The grass is really growing with the additional fertilizer. But what should I plant? Pumpkins, of course. And carrots, tomatoes, and corn… and maybe an apple tree. I wonder what Mr. Ed has in his garden?
“Blurtso busks to pay the Man”
I’m sorry, said the policeman, but the city has made a ruling on your case. My case? said Blurtso. Yes, said the policeman. The city has decided you have to put coins in the meter. Coins? said Blurtso. How am I going to get coins?
“Blurtso thinks like a horse”
Well, my garden is growing, but I haven’t seen Mr. Ed. Maybe I can find him if I think like a horse…
Let’s see… you can lead a horse to water….
… if there’s a mare on the beach.
… but you can’t expect him to snorkel.
… but he won’t join the Marines.
… but you’ll have to bait his hook.
… but he won’t wash your car.
… if it’s next to the Heineken Brewery.
… if it’s nowhere near MacDonald’s.
… but he won’t buy the beer.
… if there’s a urinal nearby.
… if he knows there will be Wi-Fi.
… until his wife gets home.
Hmmm, thought Blurtso. I’m not sure that helps at all.
“Blurtso has a house guest” (I)
Hello chicken, said Blurtso. Where did you come from? You just crossed the border? And you need a place to stay? Of course you can stay here. Mi estacionamiento es tu estacionamiento.
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“Blurtso has a house guest” (II)
Goodness! thought Blurtso. Look at all these chickens!
“Blurtso becomes a reluctant Messiah”
And the people gathered before him and said, “Blurtso of the sacred space, teach us.” And Blurtso replied, “Teach us?” And the people echoed, “Teach us.” And Blurtso replied, “Teach what?” And the people explained, “We do not love all who are among us. We do not love all others. And we are ashamed.” And Blurtso replied, “What will thou doest when thou seest a tempest in the offing?” And the people replied, “We shall seek shelter.” And Blurtso said, “And what will thou doest when thou encounterest danger in thine path?” And the people replied, “We shall pursue a new path.” And Blurtso said, “And what will thou doest when thine well of poison smellest?” And the people replied, “Drink we shall not.” And Blurtso said, “Just as with nature thou wouldst, so with one another thou shouldst. For each one of thou, in beingst thineself, is for some other a storm, a danger, or a poison. And another for thou shallst be these same things too. So feelest not ashamedst that thou revelst not in the company of all, but rather recognizest the right to existest of the poison, the danger, and the storm, and rejoicest in the natural wisdom that wouldst lead thou unto safety and keepest thou from harm.
“Pablo and Bonny hope Blurtso is well”
Blurtso has been gone for weeks, said Bonny. Yes, said Pablo, I hope he is well.
“Blurtso walks away from Utopia”
Wow! thought Blurtso. California sure got crowded! Maybe I’ll go for a walk… and so saying, he stepped out of his parking space, and started down the street…
Ahhh, thought Blurtso, it’s good to be walking, one hoof after “Blurtso walks a mile with Rocinazo” “Blurtso waits out the rain” “Blurtso visits “Blurtso rests his weary hoofs” “Blurtso hitches a ride with Sweeney Todd” “Blurtso spies a shrubbery” “Blurtso takes the road less-traveled” “Blurtso stands in a field” “Blurtso meets Mark Twain” “Blurtso finds a barn” “Blurtso spends a night in hobo heaven” And as Blurtso made his way across the land, he paused to consider the travelers who had made the journey before him, the young in search of adventure, with optimism and innocence in their eyes, the middle-aged, discouraged but not defeated, far from their families and in search of a job, and the old, irretrievably detached and free from the weight of hopefulness, blown from town to town, like leaves on the wind. And at night, drawn by the glow of a flame, they would gather in silence, reflecting on the trials behind and imagining the trials ahead, until one, reaching into a pocket, would pull out his harmonica, wipe its mouth on his sleeve, and softly begin to play… “Blurtso gets home” “Blurtso sees a shrink” “Pablo counsels his friend”
another, with no place to go, moving down the road…
"Blurtso gets attacked by a shark"
Doo dee doo dee doo, dee dee dee dee dee...
Whew! That was a close one!
He must have thought I was a pumpkin pie.
"Blurtso crosses the Ponderosa"
I'd better hurry across before I bust into flames.
"Blurtso flatters himself"
Isn't that nice, thought Blurtso.
I wonder who told them I was coming.
Are you really a descendant of Don Quijote’s Rocinante?! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! I’ve never met a celebrity before! Do you mind if I walk along? Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! A real live celebrity! I’ll bet you’ve got a million stories! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! A descendant of Don Quijote’s Rocinante! Do you mind if I walk along? Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Will you tell me a story?! Will you tell me a story?! Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy! A real live celebrity!
Look at that corn, thought Blurtso. I wonder what makes it grow?
Look at that… a shrubbery… growing all alone.
Growing all alone… remarkable.
What a nice barn, thought Blurtso. I wonder where the animals are? And the people? It’s hard to believe they’ve abandoned this barn. I guess they’ve all rushed off to the future.
Hmmm, thought Blurtso, look at all these things. I lived without them for months and I didn’t miss them. Let’s see who I used to be and what I used to like… yes, there’s my juicer, and my coffee mug, and my recliner, and my infrared sauna… and… my collection of “Mr. Ed” DVDs… I went all the way to
Well then, said the psychiatrist, what seems to be the problem? I can’t find Mr. Ed, said Blurtso. Mr. Ed? said the psychiatrist. The talking horse, said Blurtso. I see, said the psychiatrist, and how long have you been looking for him? I went all the way to
I’m depressed, said Blurtso. Depressed? said Pablo. Yes, said Blurtso, I went all the way to
What can I do? said Blurtso. The thing to do, said Pablo, is not to focus on the object of the obsession, but on the process. The process? said Blurtso. Yes, said Pablo. You went to
